Basketball fan Mark Stevens took his daughter to see their beloved Wellington Saints play on Thursday night, enjoyed a few beers, then awoke to find himself the centre of a global Twitter storm, angry tweets raining down like Steph Curry three-pointers.
"Can't believe what you did last night Mark," said one, as calls for him to be banned from all games flooded his account.
He was a white privileged arsehole, a piece of s..., a racist moron who didn't realise the days of slave ownership were over. His sexuality was questioned.
Even NBA legend LeBron James was angry with him, a scrawny white guy journalist straight outta Palmerston North, to the mean streets of Wellington.
"I woke up to being labelled a white privileged arsehole and calls to ban me from all games. White? Yep. Arsehole? Arguably. But definitely not privileged," said Stevens, the Stuff editorial director.
"I'd had a few beers at the Saints game yesterday, but was pretty sure I'd still behaved myself ..."
Problem No 1: across the Pacific in San Francisco another Mark Stevens had not behaved at a basketball game, the Golden State Warriors investor shoving Toronto Raptors guard Kyle Lowry. at the NBA finals.
Problem No 2: the 'real' pushy Mark Stevens appears to not have a Twitter account.
Problem No 3: some Twitter fans are not so hot on research - they're more like, "I'm so pissed, let's find this guy and nail him".
Mark? Yes. Stevens? Yes. White? Yes. Basketball fan? Yes. That's him, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.
The name Mark Stevens has been trending on the internet all Friday, with only the death of musician Dr John and the cancellation of the StarCraft spinoff topping it.
The NBA has banned Golden State Warriors investor Mark Stevens from attending games and any Warriors team activities for one year, and has fined him US$500,000 for shoving Toronto guard Kyle Lowry.
Stevens' ban is effective immediately and will carry through the entire 2019-20 season, including the playoffs.
The NBA says its investigation found that Stevens pushed and directed obscene language toward Lowry during game three of the NBA finals.
"A team representative must be held to the highest possible standard and the conduct of Golden State Warriors investor Mark Stevens last night was beyond unacceptable and has no place in our league," Mike Bass, the NBA's executive vice president for communications, said in a statement.
"As the review of this matter continues, Mr. Stevens will not be permitted to attend NBA games."
Meanwhile, back in New Zealand the 'not real' Mark Stevens is anticipating the next Saints game, as personal Twitter abuse is now replaced by mocking from his friends.
He reckons the other Stevens owes him. In fact, his usual corporate seat is probably now spare.
"I reckon the real Mark Stevens definitely owes me some tickets at the very least. Go Raptors."